Brianna jacobs

All From The Heart (Erica)

 

     I’m  fat. I’m allowed to say that because I’m talking about myself… right? I don’t like the fact that every time I tilt my head downwards I feel like I have a double chin, because I could be feeling all great about myself, then I look down and I’m like oh yeah, I have a double chin. I don’t like that I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, because when I wear shorts they’re noticeable and maybe no one notices but I feel like everyone is staring. I hate that my arms are so flabby and my stomach is so chubby and I hate everything about myself sometimes.

     I say sometimes because sometimes I love myself but when you’re fat, you know people look at you, you can see it almost immediately.

     Especially with guys.

     Back to back times at the bar I’ve been told that I’m ugly and disgusting.Which I always laugh at these comments and immediately walk away but I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about these things later.

     I hate that my fingers got chubbier now that I’ve gained weight because I want my mom’s wedding ring, and it’s so tight on my finger now that I couldn’t wear it without cutting off complete circulation.

     I hate my eyebrows, because my friend always picked on me for having bristly eyebrows, like whoever said eyebrows had to be the same across the board? I don’t know, but now I get all self conscious about them.

     Ok when I said I sometimes love myself, I meant that I love my mouth. Yes, I just said that I love my mouth. But I love it because its so cute and pretty. I always feel sexy when I take a picture of my mouth. My lips look so good with lipstick on and I feel like I have the best smile ever. When I look at myself in the mirror I feel cute because of my mouth.

     In other strange things to love about my body, I love my ears. They’re so tiny and cute. Smallest ear award goes to me.

However, I do dislike that I’m allergic to nickel and can’t wear any cute earrings ever.

     I love my boobs. They’re big, but the seem to stay perky and push up bars do wonders.

     I love the two freckles I have on my left hand. My mom has the same ones, when I was little she used to tell me long, long stories of how we both got these freckles before bed, and she used to tell me that when I missed her I should look at the freckle because freckles are magical.

     I also love the scar I have that starts in the middle of my chest and ends right under my ribcage. When I was 18 I had open heart surgery and I had all these complications and troubles. At first I thought I would hate the scar because everyone would look at me weirdly but then I grew to love it because it reminds me of that point in my life.

     And, I’m indifferent about my butt. I think sometimes it looks nice in leggings but sometimes not so much and sometimes it looks good in lace undies but other times NOPE.

I have a big butt i think, but not like Kim Kardashian.

     Sometimes I love different parts about myself and sometimes I love nothing but I started going to the gym, and lost 17 pounds and maybe someday I will love my whole self all at the same time.

- Erica Field