Brianna jacobs

Forever Strong (Ali)

 

     The one thing I hate the most about my body is my stretch marks. Although most people say they can’t notice them, to me they are a symbol of carelessness. This has happened to me before as well. The first time stretch marks showed up on my body I begged my dad to pay for laser surgery to remove them and he did. The sessions were incredibly painful, like super painful. The woman who was doing the treatment saw I was in pain, she then said, “beauty is pain.” After the session, my mom asked/told me, “Ali, you won’t let this happen again right?” I said, no. But I did let it happen again, so I feel that I wasted my parents money, and I failed them in a sense. They symbolize that I wasn’t thinking about my appearance, I decided to indulge instead. I think the only reason I feel so bad about them is because of what they symbolize to the rest of society.

     Since there really isn’t anything good about stretch marks, I will instead redefine what they mean. My stretch marks shouldn’t symbolize carelessness, they symbolize the amazing dinners that my boyfriend and I cooked together and enjoyed. They symbolize the nights out that I spent with my best friend eating good food and drinking fancy drinks. They are memories. Shame shouldn’t be attached to them.

     I hate my thighs. I have always hated them, ever since I was a child. I find them huge and I always feel that when people see me all they are thinking is, “thunder thighs.” They always jiggle. Whenever I sit down and stare at my thighs I feel like they are double the size they should be. Crossing my legs is hard too. That’s the worst part. If I’m sitting at a table, I can barely cross my legs because there isn’t enough room. I feel that since i can’t fit with standard items such as tables, then there must be something wrong with me, they must be big, too big.

     Whenever I flex my thighs I can still see the strong muscles that I got from being a dancer. I love that one part of my body is still holding on to that passion that I no longer do. Without that reminder I’m scared that I might forget how amazing dancing made me feel.

     I have acne. I am 21 and I’m still dealing with a teenage problem. I have been struggling with acne since I was 10, so I’ve been dealing with it for half my life. I hate the flaws in my face, the scars, the whiteheads. It is all so disgusting. I’m afraid that when people look at me, they don’t see me, they see my acne. I can cover it up with makeup, but then people see the makeup, which I guess I feel is better than horrible swollen redness that is a pimple.

     Although I have acne I would NEVER change my face. I love my face. I love my twin sister’s face. I read this great quote, “God makes twins when he finds a face he really likes.” I think that describes my sister and I. We both have nice noses, and beautiful blueish/green eyes. I think my face has character. I love my full lips.

- Ali W.